miscarriage

I hadn't made my pregnancy public yet because I feared something like this would happen. We were going to announce it to everyone once I hit the second trimester. I was seven weeks along with my little Bean, and was due April 26.

Yesterday afternoon I had some bad cramps and didn't think too much about it. I had read that cramps were normal in early pregnancy because the uterus is stretching. But when I went to the bathroom and saw that I was bleeding, I started panicking. After the cramps started getting worse, I asked John to take me to the emergency room where I had an ultrasound and blood work done. Sure enough, our worst fears were confirmed when the doctor came in and said that I was having a miscarriage.

Apparently the fetus had stopped growing about a week or two earlier and my body was finally shedding it. It made me feel better knowing that I didn't do anything to accidentally abort the baby. The body just wasn't perfect, so nature got rid of it so I can give my baby a perfect body later.

It was just shocking to be fine and then be at the hospital six hours later and find out that I was having a miscarriage. I have many mixed feelings. I'm so glad that I have Jennie who can help me out now. I'm not glad that she experienced something similar, but I'm so glad to have an empathetic friend to comfort me and help me out. And so many of my friends have been so supportive and helpful. I'm so grateful for all of the love that John and I have seen in the last 24 hours. And my mom is flying up tomorrow to stay with us for the weekend and help out. That will be so nice because I don't have the motivation to do anything right now. I fluctuate between feeling devastated and being okay, but my heart still aches and I don't know when that will stop.

I just wanted to write this because writing my feelings down and sharing them always makes me feel better. I didn't do this for sympathy or to make people feel bad for me.


To my little Bean,

I want you to know that your father I and love you so much, and we can't wait for you to join our family. I'm sorry that this body didn't work out for you, but we'll do all we can to make sure you come to us soon. We already have fallen in love with you and I feel like I've bonded with you quite a bit. I know you're up there waiting to come down and I bet you're impatient, and just as disappointed as we are! But the time will come when you can be a Jeppson with us and come to this world. Again, we love you so much and I hope to meet you soon.

Love,
Mommy

just one of those things

I didn't get the job :( I guess it wasn't meant to be.

John started back to school this week. So far he loves his classes and is even going to be taking a trip to Yellowstone weekend after next. He's going to collect samples from the pools there and examine microorganisms and such. He's super excited about it. I will miss him, but I'm sure Suki can keep me company.

job

I applied for a job this last week, and I had an interview! It's with Backstage Library Works, a company here in Provo that converts library's catalogs to computerized versions. They send copies of information to BSLW, and they type it into a computerized catalog. I took a test this last week as my application (and I didn't feel like I did very well at all) but the next day they called me and asked for an interview! The test had a few parts. First was spelling, where they have a sentence with a blank, give you the first three letters of the word that goes in the blank, and you have to fill it in and spell the word correctly.
I am __________ for my actions. (acc)

Next was a grammar/proofreading section. Super easy, no prob.

Then some general knowledge. And by general, they meant geography questions.
Nova Scotia (a)city (b)state (c)country (d)none of these

Ann Arbor (a)England (b)US (c)Australia (d)Canada

It really brought me back to my middle school geography class, and helped me know that I don't remember anything from it.

One part was simple. We had to say if a person was real or fictional. I wish there had been more of those, because I knew them better than the geography ones.

I also took a typing test, to see how many words per minute I can type and with what accuracy. They were looking for 45 WPM with 98% accuracy, and I scored 83 WPM with 98.3% accuracy.

Regardless of my score they still interviewed me, and I was really excited. It went well, and I even had a chance to do some of the work that I would actually be doing. I think they wanted to see how quickly I could learn. It was more complicated than I expected, but not hard. I think I would enjoy it.

I really, really, really hope that I get this job!

tired!

Man, the last week-ish, all I've been able to do is make myself get up, go work at the dental office for a few hours, come home, nap, wake up and do a few things while wishing I could go back to bed, and go to bed. Why am I so tired?! It's annoying.

I'm not sleeping too much. I've been getting about 9 hours every night. And I've been getting enough exercise. I'm just tired.

writing

I can't tell you how often I have a dream and wake up thinking, "I have to turn this into a book!" and then, after I wake up completely, I realize that the whole idea is nonsensical, boring, or just plain weird. And I mean worse than David Bowie randomly appearing in a Labyrinth-esque way.

I saw this video, and wanted to share it. I watch live TV and secretly hope things like this will happen.

suki

I went to Animal Ark in Orem with Wistie one day because we wanted to pet the bunnies that they have out front, and we saw a litter of kittens for sale. I wanted to pet them, too, because I love cats. I picked up a Siamese kitten, and Wistie picked an orange kitten. Mine was kind of nervous, and didn't like being held much. But the kitten Wistie had picked was purring louder than any cat I've heard before, and being adorable. I knew I had to have her! I asked the inlaws if I could have a cat in the condo, and after getting a yes, went back to the store right when it opened the next day before someone else could snatch her up!

We thought about names for a long time. For a while I wanted a cat and name it Momo, but it didn't fit her. So we considered Independence with the nick name Indie, but I couldn't ever remember it. So we finally decided to name her Suki.

She is adorable, and loves to play! I love that she sleeps on my pillow at night wrapped around my head. She is so snuggly, and such a good kitty.

recently

I must apologize for being absent for weeks. I haven't written or really read people's blogs in a long time. I finally sat down and caught up with the blogs I follow. It was a lot! So I did read everyone's blog, I promise, even if I didn't comment.

I'm in Boise right now helping my inlaws with their new basement. They had one dug and added a living room/library, kitchen, food storage room, bathroom, and two bedrooms. It is beautiful! I can't wait to come stay in it and watch movies on the projector.

I also went to Nevada last week to visit my parents and grandma. It was a solo trip, and John was left at home. I missed him a lot! But I went shopping and got some new clothes, went mini golfing with my dad, and made raspberry cheesecake with my mom. We watched a lot of movies including The Vampire's Assistant (it was pretty bad!), Percy Jackson and the Olympians (I had already seen it, but my parents hadn't. I liked it just as much the second and third time I watched it), and Princess and the Frog. I really liked seeing Drew and Christina. We went to Turtle Rock Park and played disc golf, and that was a blast, even though it was really hot and we ran into a scorpion. It was great visiting with Grandma, and watching Judge Judy with her and my mom. It was great just being home relaxing for a week.

first anniversary

John and I celebrated our first anniversary on June 20th. It's amazing how fast time went! We had such a fun, amazing first year together! I learned so much about marriage, and how to adjust to living with a man (it's so much different than girls!), and learning about... other married people stuff.

For our anniversary, John and I took a trip to Southern California with Amanda. We went to Disneyland for two days, and on the third day, we saw Prince of Persia and went to Newport Beach. We had a blast! We went on everything we wanted to at least once, had giant blisters, and sunburns.












We had a really great time. Happy first anniversary, darling!

premieres

We had a busy few days with Amanda, Victoria and our new friend, Craig. First we went to the Twilight movie Eclipse midnight premiere. I found out the day of that Craig had two tickets for John and I to go see it with him and his friends. Amanda and I went to the mall that afternoon, and I wanted to find a really cheap, cheesy Twilight t-shirt to wear to the show. So we went down to Hot Topic to see what they had. And, with unusual luck, they had New Moon t-shirts on sale for $5! We were stoked. I got one that had Edward and Bella kissing with the quote "Why are you so willing to give up your soul?" and Amanda got one that said, "It made no sense for you to love me. I knew that." I also got an Edward shirt for John to wear. They are so gross! But we were excited. We got them as a joke.




The movie itself was actually okay. It was much better than the first two for sure! It was just an angsty, teen romance movie. Everything I expected and a perfect movie for the right mood.

The next day, I prepared to make a cake for Victoria for her 20th birthday. She wanted an America theme, so I designed a red, white, and blue cake with fireworks exploding out the middle. After the second try because the first two layers stuck to the pans (and panic and tears, a quick trip to the store), it came together beautifully. Victoria loved it!






We played a game of Loaded Questions with a bunch of Victoria's friends, had some pizza, and got dressed and ready to go to The Last Airbender midnight premiere! Two in a row. I think we're crazy, but it was so fun! This time, we dressed up like characters from the cartoon TV show. Don't be fooled. This TV show is one of my all-time favorites, and is absolutely amazing! (Avatar: The Last Airbender on Nickelodeon). John had been working for a few days to make his Zuko costume, and Amanda was amazing and volunteered to work on my Katara dress while I was making Victoria's birthday cake. It turned out better than I had ever thought it would! Amanda was the Cabbage Man, Victoria was Zuko's evil sister, Azula, and Craig was the Avatar, Aang.

John and I with Apa!

Amanda the Cabbage Man, Craig as Aang, Victoria is Azula, John as Zuko, and me as Katara.

The Cabbage Man

The Avatar Aang

Princess Azula

Prince Zuko

Katara



Don't we all look legit?

I liked the movie overall, but it is nothing compared to the TV show. The script was pretty bad, and there wasn't any emotional ties to the characters, but the effects were really good, and the story was told really well. It made me want to watch the cartoon again!

I'm really, super tired, the house is a mess, and I have stained fingers from the frosting coloring, but I had a blast!