my push up bra will help me get my man

No, this isn't a joke. This is for real. What e'er.

singing ballerina

If I could start all over again, I would. From childhood up. If I could start over knowing what I like now, and what I wish I could do, I would do it to pick a different career in life. But I can't do the things I want to do now. It's not a matter of faith or willpower in myself, I know. It's all about timing and talent.

There are a few things I wish I could do now. I really want to be a ballerina. I would love to dance ballet really well. I would've stayed in ballet my whole childhood instead of quitting when I was young and become really good. I know I could've done it, I'm just much too old to do it now. I need a few years, but I'm in "prime" ballerina years right now. By the time I learn, I'll be too old to dance. And by old, I really do mean over 28.

I also wish I could sing opera. I have always loved opera my whole life. I wish I had had the opportunity to take singing lessons when I was very little and learned the basics a long time ago, not now. I have the resources (BYU arts dept.) to be able to get the most amazing training ever and be in first class operas, but I don't have the training or talent to do that now.

And I also wish that if I hadn't done one of the above things that I had become amazing at an instrument. Music is amazing, and I wish that I had really been persistent and practiced and become a performance artist.

I want to change my major. But can I do that? No, not really. Not if I actually want to graduate with something. After singing in choir, improving my singing with lessons, discovering that I actually have a given talent to sing, and learning that I LOVE it, I want to do choral directing. I would love that. Learn how to lead a choir... I want to be a choral director in a high school somewhere. I think that would make me the happiest.

Well, I still have my English career though, so at least I still have something I love. I guess, as they say, it's not over until the fat lady sings.

snowflake madness

As I was doing homework this afternoon I let Obi-Wan out to run around. Sometimes he does really funny or stupid stuff, and today was no exception. So, I took video of him. At the beginning he's trying to run across my drama textbook and can't quite make it. And, he loves being out on the window ledge. He usually stares out at cars and gets excited when they drive by, but today it was snowing, so he was chasing snow flakes and trying to claw at them.

one-hundred hours

So, there is this website called the 100 Hour Board through BYU. Anyone can ask any question (about BYU, life, relationships, religion, nonsense, movies, music, math, science, books...) to the members of the Board, and in 100 hours or less, your question will be answered and posted on the main page. I've been reading it for about three years, and love to check it every day. Recently, they sent out a notice saying that they are looking for more people to apply to become a board writer to answer the questions. John has been encouraging me to apply since quote, "it is my passion" (John), but I'm just not sure. He's right that I would love to do it and adore the board, but I don't know if I have time. They have to be dedicated to answering questions all the time, and I'm not sure if I have enough spare time to do that. Maybe in the future I can consider it. But there's still that part of me that wants to go ahead and apply now anyway...

politics

Oh, why did I marry a man that loves politics? I never hear the end of them. I guarantee that half of our conversations (well, John talking and me nodding trying to understand what he's talking about) revolve around politics.

I know John loves it, but it is tiring.

I'm so glad I have Jennie, my next door neighbor, to talk to sometimes. When John and I are with her and her husband, Sean, it gives me some girl time to talk about highlighting our hair, and babies, and church. Meanwhile, the boys go off and talk about cars, politics, sci-fi, and recollect mission stories together.

I'm so glad to have our wonderful neighbors by us, and that we spend time with them. I love going over and playing games or just talking. I feel like I can still be a girl!

Quotes:

John: "You do realize that Lion King is Hamlet, right? Uncle kills the King, marries the Queen, banishes son, takes over, the son returns to take back the kingdom... except that Simba doesn't die in the end like Hamlet does."
Me: "That makes Timon and Pumba pirates!"

and

John: Playing computer game "I love you!"
Me: Shocked that he wasn't 100% wrapped up in his game "Aww, really, you do?"
John: "...Yeah. I was actually talking to the game, but I love you, too."

caja de jabón

Español puede chupar mis nalgas.

¡Chupalas!

Es todo.

free

I was just glancing through and reading some of my older blog posts. It's so funny how I remember tiny details of events even though they happened almost three years ago.

I was also wondering what my past self would think of me now. I'm such a different person, and I'm surprised it all happened in such a short amount of time. Moving away from home, becoming more responsible, being challenged more in school, and a brand new social life change a person. In both good and bad ways.

Freshman year: The naïve, perky, ignorant, irresponsible, social girl. But, that describes most Freshman, right? I thought I knew everything. I thought that I was so grown up, and could handle everything. The world was in my palm, and I was so happy. I had the best roommates, the funnest friends, the friendliest ward, and the perfect boyfriend. Life was good! Of course, it was perfect because I didn't have hardly any responsibilities. My biggest worries were if my apartment was clean for our cleaning checks and if I made the bus on time, and if I finished my paper for American Heritage. I managed to get by with 4-5 hours of sleep every night. I wish I could do that now!

Sophomore year: Everything changed. And yes, I mean everything. It was all gone. The boy, my best friend, left on a mission, my other best friends and neighbors lived blocks away and I didn't have a car. Everyone was always busy. Classes were getting harder. I had no idea who my roommates were, my ward was older and less friendly and enthusiastic. I realized now that this is the first time that the world was telling me to grow up, but I didn't recognize it, and I didn't now how to handle it. So, I handled it negatively. Things were going my way, and I felt completely out of control. So I gave in to restrictive eating.

Unfortunately that's the only memory I really have of the fall semester of my sophomore year. It was the same every day- force myself to get out of bed, weigh myself, go to class, come home weigh myself, beat myself up if I ate more than the day's goal of calories, weigh myself, and go back to bed. I did badly in school that semester and was stuck in a deep depression. The first real challenge of my life and I failed.

I finally decided that I needed out. It took months of the cycle- the struggle to get out and then the heartbreaking days when I would fall to anorexia again. The work with my bishop, friends, family, and school counselor was tiring. Finally, I saw light ahead. I can't describe it, but one day I woke up with a good feeling in my heart, and thought, It's possible. That was the best moment of my semester. I slowly worked out of it, and started being happy. I needed to go through that trial to strengthen myself in all ways- spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I was more of an adult than I ever had been. I'm grateful for this challenge. Nothing could've improved me more than this trial. I've also realized that I'm also more prepared to help others now and in the future.

Then, when I had never felt better- I met the most important person of my life. My dear husband. I know that he was my reward. He was my gift from my Heavenly Father for working against the temptations of Satan, and for being righteous. I know he came at a certain time and that it was the right time. And, with his help and support, I finally worked through recovery completely, and became healthy.

Junior year: I have my own, small family, living in an apartment with just me and my husband (and our two lizards), going to school, and working. It's hard. It's stressful. But I've never been happier! Life is completely different. Compared to freshman year, it's crazy how much my priorities have changed. I'm in a family ward, the lady of the house, taking care of and spoiling my husband, and never having enough time to do everything I need to do. And it is wonderful!

I can't believe the changes that have taken place in my life the last three years. And I can't wait to see what changes are to come!

the force is strong with this one

So, here are the promised pictures of Ricky! He's not very accommodating when I try to take his picture (lots of blurry pics), so I only got two.





And, I want to introduce you to someone new!

His name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he's our new Bearded Dragon! He is awesome.



We had first named him Admiral Ackbar (because his head twitches side to side like Ackbar's does in the Star Tours ride at Disneyland), but Obi-Wan seemed to fit him better. He eats veggies and fruits every day, and crickets two to three times a week. He loves to sit out in the light, and likes being held. It was easy, since, thanks to the Peterson's donation of their lizard gear (RIP Jackie), we had everything except the sand and the lizard!

P.S. Jennie, whenever you want your things back, just let us know! I'd feel bad keeping them forever.

Admiral Ackbar knows when it is a trap.

Obi-Wan is Ewan McGregor.

Ricky and Obi-Wan don't live together, and they certainly don't get along. Ricky couldn't care less about Obi, and when I set them next to each other on the couch, Ricky looked at him and then ignored him. But Obi-Wan on the other hand puffed up his beard, opened his mouth and started hissing. It was pretty neat! I'm sure Obi would never attack Ricky, but I don't want to test it.

We are enjoying Obi very much so far. We got him this evening for FHE. We've wanted one for a long time. Don't worry, we won't ignore Ricky. He'll probably be grateful we don't take him out as much. He's not one to love being handled all the time. So, everyone wins!

a year-kept secret

So, I have a secret... this mostly for my family, but it's still funny all the same.

Last Christmas I almost went home with John for a few days before going to my family's house.

It started out as a little flirty suggestion, then a joke, then a consideration, then a serious thought that I did want to go home with him for a few days. I didn't want to be away from him for two weeks.

However, the plane ticket had already been bought, and I couldn't miss my flight. Otherwise I would've been a big surprise for John's family when we walked in the door. Merry Christmas!

Instead, we texted each other unceasingly, he called me at midnight on New Years and we talked for an hour or so, and we read a book together. Well, we raced each other to see who could finish it first. Of course, he won.

This Christmas is a little bit different... I get to spend the whole break with him, and even *gasp* share a room with him!!!

beardies

Bearded dragons are AWESOME!

John and I want one. They are so cool!

They're smart, like to be handled and even beg for it sometimes, are fun to watch, like to take baths and showers, and are loyal to the owner. They're also awake during the day, unlike Ricky. They're super gentle, and kind, and are even really good around children. More than you can say for a lot of animals. It gets about 2 feet long, tail included. That means I can get it a leash and walk it around.

The only problem is we don't have a big enough cage. We were planning on getting a smaller cage for Ricky and putting a Beardie in Ricky's cage, but that one is only 12" x 24" and a Beardie needs a cage that is 20" x 40"... so I don't know how we'd swing that. But, I already picked a name for our Bearded Dragon, so we have to get one now.


I like this picture because it looks like he's smiling in the picture at the bottom.

Speaking of reptiles, Ricky is doing really well. He's a lot bigger now! He's still growing, though. (He is only 9 months old). We still love him and feed him lots of big crickets. He graduated to the larger crickets, which is nice because we don't have to buy as many. Instead of eating 7 or 8 little crickets, he eats 3 or 4 big ones. So that's really nice. He's lost a lot of his spots and gained some strange orange splotches of color. I can't find my camera, otherwise I'd post some new pictures up. Once I find it I'll take some.

Oh, and in case you're still wondering, we are going to name our bearded dragon Rumbleroar.